While on a flight to Atlanta from Phoenix we hit a heavy storm. The woman next to me began to feel nauseous but there were no appropriate bags in the seat pockets and the flight attendants were advised to remain buckled in. I told my queasy seat partner I was not a doctor but a minister and I asked if I could offer a prayer. She said it probably wouldn’t hurt and maybe it might get her mind off her stomach momentarily. She didn’t seem too eager so I assured her half jokingly that it was not entirely for her but big time for me if she was going to be sick. She managed to laugh and I sensed a bit of my smart-aleck wit appeared to calm her down. Occasionally when a stranger learns you’re a preacher you can become a living target and get a barrage of questions.
After feeling better she got a little assertive. “Hey, I’m not much of a church-goer but I was for a long time. I would like to know why couples getting married receive special blessings from God and are sanctified in a ceremony and single members are not privy to receive such hallowed sanctions in a ritual. I’m just curious. What do you have to say about that?”
I stammered “Well, the marriage bond is what’s being sanctified and not necessarily the individuals.”
“Ah, I think you’re fudging on the interpretation, Pastor. Are you implying the bride and groom are not having God’s blessings bestowed upon each of them, separate from their wedded bond? I’m just curious.”
“Now I’m just curious,” I reply, “What is it specifically you wish to have clarified?”
“I guess it dawned on me one day as a single person attending numerous weddings and paying attention to the rituals that there is evidently no ceremony or rite in which those who choose to stay single or those not able to marry are sanctified in their adult years. And then it struck me that if people were to marry again and again they can get sanctified and have God’s blessings sprinkled on them a lot. Whadaya think?”
That’s when I started feeling nauseous. I don’t recall what I said after that but the agitator caused me to think about what she considered a discrepancy in how we treat members in our churches when it comes to holiness matters.
The woman was a piece of work but she had a point. When I returned home I went right to the good book, the tome of law of the United Methodist denomination. It states “We affirm the sanctity of the marriage covenant that is expressed in love, mutual support, personal commitment, and shared fidelity between a man and a woman. We believe that God’s blessing rests upon such marriage…” Was I right in suggesting the sanctifying is meant mainly for the wedded bond and not necessarily bestowed upon the individuals? And, by the way, what does that mean? Are we splitting hairs here? Well, obviously the pushy passenger aboard that flight thought it was important.
Do our long-term single members who may attend scores of weddings feel slighted when it comes to deserving a special blessing? Probably not but what if we were to have some form of affirmation in a ceremony up front for those who might welcome a special sacred blessing on their singleness? Maybe all church members living single lifestyles might be invited to participate in a public ceremony in the sanctuary or a private one in their home that celebrates their single-dom.
The section on ‘Single Persons’ in the law book of our institution states “We affirm the integrity of single persons, and we reject all social practices that discriminate or social attitudes that are prejudicial against persons because they are single.” Not a whole lot about offering sacred blessings but a strong warning against hassling them. The term ‘integrity’ in the dictionary is defined as the quality or state of being complete. I’m not sure we’ve ever managed to validate members living alone in a completed state like we have those who opt for nuptial bonding.
Would unmarried church members wish to be part of a sanctifying rite sometime between their baptisms and memorial services? I can recall two parishioners in two different churches that might have wanted to come close to being consecrated but not in the chancel area. They were extremely faithful members who lived well into their nineties, remained single and rarely missed attending a worship service. For some reason they held an exceptional respect for the chancel and altar spaces in the church and I doubt that they ever stepped foot onto those hallowed settings. They refused to serve as ushers, sing in the choir or participate in any other task that might require stepping up and into the chancel area. Evidently it was holy ground and not to be taken lightly. They believed wholeheartedly in hallowed places and held in awe baptisms and wedding ceremonies.
One was a noted university professor who when asked to be a liturgist in worship panicked. She was known for her lectures throughout the city but the thought of stepping up and into the chancel area of her church was rather terrifying. The other unmarried member was known for transporting bricks in her model-T Ford to the site of her new church being erected in the late 1920s. She also had a fear of trespassing on sacred ground in temples. It might not have added much to their awesome spiritual lives to be blessed in a service in a special way but I’m sure their presence up front during a ceremonial moment would have added to the holiness of those sanctuaries.
Frederick Beuchner has observed that “Times, places, things, and people can all be holy, and when they are, they are usually not hard to recognize.” Wishful Thinking: A Theological ABC.
Ms. Burnett and Ms. McCamly were not hard to recognize. They would have made great sponsors for those single souls wishing to experience God’s blessings resting upon them in a unique ritual.
There are several ceremonial blessings to be found in another good book, that of the United Methodist Book of Worship. Under a section titled “Blessings for Persons” is a listing of rituals for birthdays, graduates, engaged couples, a new job, those who work, those unemployed, those who suffer, and numerous other rites including blessings of pets and homes but there does not seem to be a reference to a ceremony for those who choose to remain single. It may be in there somewhere and I missed it and if so let me know but if there is no such ritual why not consider one?
Cornelia Otis Skinner, actress and writer, believed that “One learns in life to keep silent and draw one’s own confusions.” Not I!